I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
