I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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