Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
