We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
