I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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