I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
