Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
