I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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