I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
