if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
