so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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