It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
