so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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