we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
