I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
