in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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