I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
