"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
