Plan B is the new Plan A
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
