Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
