She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
