she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
