she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
