he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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