Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well I just put wine in my tea
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
