she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
