There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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