Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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