she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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