Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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