I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
