remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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