if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
