I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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