Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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