How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
