MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
