threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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