It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
