i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
