shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
