barbara walters just said penis...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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