It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
