I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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