when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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