i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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