Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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