hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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