Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you didnt know i had herpes?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
