whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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