I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
