I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
her vagine was all disorganized.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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