Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
