So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
