is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
